The idea that women become less beautiful with age exists for the simple fact that women grow more powerful with time, and our culture has difficulty finding power attractive in women. Western culture tells us to be ashamed for our life experiences to show in our faces and bodies. What is so great about looking young anyway? With age, we lose our naiveté, and we become smarter and much better at being confident.
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I am going to start this piece by formulating several key questions:
How do we think about beauty in women that are older than 22?
How do we deal with the fact that women become less beautiful over time, and even socially invisible in many people’s perspectives?
Should we embrace aging by accepting how we look, or should we be fighting it?
The present article will try to answer those questions the best way possible. The post will touch on the topic of fear of aging. I will include my personal opinions on this matter and a selection of quotes from other women. I will also provide information about how aging affects men and women differently.
This topic is important but also delicate to me because I feel conflicted about it. There is a dilemma between accepting my aging face and body or defeating the pass of time. I believe a lot of women can relate to this approach. This post will try mostly to present and discuss this dilemma, rather than providing solutions, definite answers, or tips.
Our faces and bodies change with time; this is inevitable. Western culture, convention, and the beauty industry say that wrinkles and lines are something to fight, even reverse. But aging doesn’t have to be something we fear. If we dig deeper into the process of getting old, aging can be empowering, even freeing; this is true, especially if we choose how we want to age.
When it comes to how we look, women tend to be each other’s harshest critics. Social media has made this matter even worse. We want to look our best as we age, but many of us are unsure what that should look like. Should we allow time to run its course, or should we use skin treatments (Botox, fillers, dermatological anti-aging treatments)? Ultimately, this is always a personal decision that everyone should respect, regardless of your opinion about it.
Must we blame the media for shaping the images of beauty, or are the images of beauty ingrained in us, so it’s just the media responding to that? The truth is that images of beauty across society can trap even the most enlightened women.
And Bloom the Art of Aging Unapologetically
To answer those questions, let’s start defining beauty.
How do we define beauty?
The short answer is that it really depends. Beauty will always be in the eye of the beholder. I think you should claim your own definition of beauty. According to author Naomi Wolf, “If you are anxious about the passage of time, you can’t have the fun or be as powerful and change-making as you were if you were loving the passage of time.” I could not agree more.
I think that being attractive as you get older is about energy; it’s about engaging with people; those are the values we should be focused on. I am so much happier as I get older because I managed to achieve a few important things.
As a woman in my early 50s, I believe that embarking on a new decade with energy and enthusiasm, doing something I believe in and am passionate about is much more valuable than looking much younger for my age.
But let’s not get confused or conflicted. There is absolutely nothing wrong with trying to look your best and feel healthy as you age. That is the very purpose of my blog. What is not alright is feeling like you must alter your appearance to look younger to be accepted in society. The problem is not whether to wear makeup or not, are fat or thin, and have plastic surgery or not. The real problem is our lack of choice.
If we only focus on beauty, we will never be happy. I also think that it is important for young women to learn how to develop a sense of self outside of their appearance to deepen that practice with time.
We should not base our identity and worth on our exterior because if we do so, we will remain dependent on outside approval for our self-esteem, which is dangerous for our mental health and general wellbeing.
Another issue I feel strongly about is the importance that young women place on beauty. It’s interesting the opinion that Garbage frontwoman Shirley Manson has regarding this matter, “Unfortunately, it’s such an empty pursuit, really, to be told you are beautiful. It’s kind of meaningless because there will always be another beautiful woman to follow, and I think women really need to shift their focus onto something that creates a foundation for them as they grow through life. Nobody stays young and beautiful forever; therefore, build a platform on which you can stand through storms.” I concur.
As Olivia La Roche states in her article The Pain and Beauty of Growing Old, “As modern women, we now enjoy unparalleled freedoms; we vote, have access to higher education, hold positions of power (albeit fewer than men) and conduct ourselves sexually as we see fit. And yet, beauty and its inevitable fading is a silent inhibitor lurking around the edges of women’s progress. Whether we consciously acknowledge it or not, the pressure or desire to be beautiful is a heavy weight to carry.”
Quoting La Roche again in the article mentioned above, “Older women are taught to feel threatened by younger women, and younger women are in turn to fear older women. It is no mistake that we are pinned against each other, and cross-generational relationships must form in order to humanize all demographics. The best aging tip we can give you is to hang out with older women.”
I couldn’t agree more with the last statement. I remember vividly observing my great-aunt’s girlfriends as a little girl. In my eyes, they were the most vibrant, interesting people I have ever met. They were gracious, happy, and funny.
The Beauty of Aging
Why are we women so afraid of getting older?
I think aging is something to celebrate. Years ago, unless you were young, you were invisible; you didn’t exist. Now we should believe all ages are powerful.
Beauty is not about how young you look, it’s not about your size, or the color of your skin; it’s about passion and giving back, that’s when you feel beautiful. Beauty is about developing yourself through the ages and liking who you are. Finding the things that excite you about life, that’s what beauty is.
Can we find happiness in what we have as older women?
Energy and aliveness are the sources of attractiveness; being happy in the body you have. Not minding what the magazines and social media want us to be, feeling attractive is being satisfied with what you’ve got.
Obsession with image is tiring. If our emphasis turns out more into what really our life is about, what turns us on, that’s what’s all about. The world is energy; that energy comes from good health, from the essence of our own sensuality, and how useful we could be.
If we go deeper into this notion of growing older, most people fear pain and loneliness. We need to shift our focus on what we have, what we are passionate about, what we can do, our contributions to the world and society. There is nothing more valuable than anyone can do than learn to love ourselves. Wrinkles show that one has lived, that one may know something about life.
It is up to each of us to figure out how to solve the conflict between beauty and aging. I think most women can feel beautiful in their own skin, even now that we are looking older; we have achieved so much, lived so much, had so much fun, and are still thriving.
How is aging different for men and women
There is no question that men and women age differently. Obviously, genetics, lifestyle, nutrition, and environment affect how people of either gender age, but the rate and way that men and women age is completely different.
Not only do the male and female bodies respond differently to aging, but the male and female psychology also differs significantly. Taken together, aging for men and women can be an entirely different experience.
- Life expectancy.
Almost everywhere in the world, women live longer than men.
- Sex.
Sexual function and aging are very different for men and women. A woman’s body responds to aging dramatically with menopause, while a man’s body responds more gradually.
- Hormones.
For women, changes in estrogen levels with aging are a major concern. For men, testosterone level changes are the dominant hormonal component of aging.
- Brain aging.
Brain aging is also different for men and women. Men who are overweight, diagnosed with diabetes, or have had one or more strokes, are more likely to suffer from cognitive impairment. However, women are more likely to suffer from the same condition if they are dependent on others for daily tasks and lack a strong social network.
The takeaway
As stated at the beginning of this post, the topic of beauty and aging is problematic because many women are conflicted and confused about how to deal with an aging face and body. Being attractive in your 50s when you live in a society equating beauty with youth is not easy.
We all need to switch perspectives and focus on what we have, and work with it. It is up to each woman to decide whether to draw upon dermatological treatments or plastic surgery or not.
My personal advice, use hair, makeup, and style tips to work with what you have. A bit of lipstick here, and the perfect jeans fit for you there, can work wonders.