This past Valentine’s day, I read an article about the different kinds of love according to ancient Greeks, which inspired me to write the present blog post. As I have always suspected, there are many kinds of love, eight to be exact.
- EROS-Passionate love
- LUDUS-Playful love
- PHILAUTIA-Self-love
- MANIA-Obsessive love
- PRAGMA-Committed love
- STORGE-Family love
- PHILIA-Friendship love
- AGAPE-Compassionate love
In the present post, I will focus exclusively on philautia. Modern times have developed a commercialized version of self-love. We see this concept everywhere, from self-help books or television shows to all sorts of magazines. But philautia is not a modern concept or value. The ancient philosophers defined this type of love as having pride in your work, taking care of yourself, and maintaining a loving inner dialogue.
It sounds great and easy, but self-love is one kind of love that is not easily achieved. A great deal of self-search and discovery is needed to love oneself for most of us. For me, it was a long journey of self-reflection and introspection, on many occasions painful and difficult but nevertheless worth it in the end. Everyone has skeletons in their closets, and most of us need to fight demons here and there. It is a process of discovery and self-awareness. However, once you get it, you will never go back to self-doubt; you will always see the light. Self-love is ever evolving. It is something that needs to be practiced daily but can take a lifetime to master. So be kind and support yourself through the hard times. Be mindful of what you think, feel, and want. Love your life in ways that truly reflect this.
You can’t give other people something you don’t have, so people who don’t love themselves can never fully experience love with others until they remedy their relationship with themselves. However, take care not to push philautia to the extreme, as it can easily become narcissism, which looks more like self-obsession, vanity, and focus on one’s own personal gain.
Self-love refers to the act of valuing one’s own happiness and well-being; self-love is a kind of acceptance that can be described as an unconditional sense of support and caring and a core of compassion for the self. The importance of self-love cannot be overstated. The concept refers to our ability to hold ourselves in esteem and have confidence in our worth, no matter what happens around us. The lack of self-love can negatively impact us, and this is an example of the immense power of self-love. In this regard, self-love can be conceptualized as a basic human necessity, and that is the meaning we are discussing here. But let’s not get confused, self-love is not something you can obtain through a beauty makeover, a new wardrove or a smaller clothing size.
To love oneself is directly connected to self-care (one of the pillars of my blog). Simply put, if you don’t love yourself, you don’t take good care of yourself. Self-love is essential to living well because it influences so many important decisions we make. It influences who you pick to a mate (this was a big issue for me in the past). In that sense, self-love can significantly improve relationships. The idea that a person should practice self-love before attempting to pursue the love o others is accepted by many. Studies have shown that practicing self-love and self-compassion is likely to improve well-being in the context of interpersonal relationships. Moreover, self-love also influences the image you project at work and how you cope with your life problems.
According to Deborah Khoshaba, published in Psychology Today: “Self-love is not simply a state of feeling good. It is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological, and spiritual growth…it grows through actions that mature us. When we act in ways that expand self-love in us, we began to accept much better our weaknesses as well as our strengths, have less need to explain away our shortcomings, have compassion for ourselves as human beings struggling to find personal meaning, are more centered in our life purpose and values, and expect living fulfillment through our own efforts.”
So, how do we get there? Here are six steps to guide you to achieve that much-needed self-love:
- Become mindful and love intentionally.
- Act on what you need rather than what you want.
- Practice good self-care (this one is paramount0.
- Set boundaries.
- Protect yourself.
- Forgive yourself.
I will elaborate further on all six steps in future posts. The current topic is one I will be coming back to again and again. So, stay tuned!
If you choose one or a couple of these actions to start working on, you are on your way to accept and love yourself more. Just imagine how much you will appreciate when you exercise all seven of these steps to self-love. It is a fact that you can only love a person as much as you love yourself. If you practice all these six self-love actions that I have mentioned above, you will allow and encourage others to express themselves in the same way, and you will spread that positivity to others. The more self-love you have for yourself, the better prepared you are for healthy relating to others, not only romantic relationships but relationships in general.
Furthermore, you will start to attract people and circumstances to you that support your well-being. Once you incorporate all six steps into your day-to-day life, you will soon experience a total transformation for years to come. It is a win-win situation. So, let’s get all inspired for a happier, more abundant life!