“Unbreakable female bonds can solidify your happiness.” Kristen Fuller, Psychology Today.
Ever since I was a little girl, I had an important group of close friends. I didn’t really know how important this fact was for my overall health and elusive happiness until I was much older. Women are each other’s emotional support system.
Regardless of how old you are, having real female friends is paramount. I read many articles based on psychology research, and over the years, I have repeatedly encountered this exact topic. I consider myself a good friend to my friends and they to me.
This piece will focus on how important it is for us women to have a circle of close female friends we can count on; I will also explain the impact of having real girlfriends on our overall well-being, physically and emotionally. This post will touch on the topic of how to build deep emotional connections. In short, this article aims to enlighten my readers about the psychology behind strong female friendships and how it affects so many aspects of our lives.
The power of human connections
Some of the information provided in this article also applies to friendships among men or the importance of meaningful human connections. However, the main focus will be on solid friendships among women.
“The stronger predictor for creating a fulfilled life is building healthy relationships with others at home, at work, and in the community.”-Dr. Randy Kamen, psychologist and educator.
Social connections not only give us pleasure, but they also influence our long-term health in ways as powerful as adequate sleep and a good diet.
Multiple studies show that people who have social support are happier, have fewer health problems, and live longer. Conversely, a relative lack of social ties is associated with depression and later-life cognitive decline, as well as with increased mortality.
So how does this universal human need for connection applies to women in particular? That is the question I will try to answer with this piece.
We don’t choose our families, but we can certainly choose our friends. Although having girlfriends is important in all stages in life, as we grow older, less vulnerable, and more secure, we acquire the necessary tools to choose our friends wisely.
Friendships are like plants; you need to water them to keep them alive and thriving. Several studies support the idea that when life gets on the way-work, family- the first thing women do is push away our friendships due to lack of time or energy. We lose sight of the strength we provide each other and the healing benefits we derive from our friends.
Again, we need to build and maintain these important bonds to protect our physical and emotional health. Maybe it is time to rethink friendships when time and life get busy. If friendships can enrich our lives in such a significant way, why are there so many of us who find it challenging to nourish them when busy? Think about it.
My girlfriends are my lifelines. I turn to them when I need to vent, when my heart is broken or whenever I need emotional support. Now in my 50s, I tend to gravitate toward like-minded women, the type of friends who reciprocate and add to my life.
True friendships give women an outlet to share their problems, thoughts, feelings, and triumphs with those they feel a close bond with. I treasure my celebratory nights out with my girlfriends, the contagious laughter, the reciprocated emotional bonding, the fact that they “get” me.
Sharing our most insecure thoughts and feelings is one of the hardest things to do, yet it is what makes real and genuine connections. Sharing our truths creates a bond.
Once we grow older, we take off our “mask” and distance ourselves from superficial friends. We are also aware of toxic behaviors. We should not tolerate emotional manipulation or guilt trips. My rule of thumb is that if a “friend” drains you emotionally, that’s toxicity. It would be best if you let her go. My advice is to surround yourself with girlfriends who could be real without competition or comparisons.
The health benefits of strong relationships among women
From all the research I have done about this topic, one study (developed by David Spiegel) published in the Journal of Clinical Oncology caught my attention, being a breast cancer survivor myself. According to this study, women with early-stage breast cancer were four times more likely to die from cancer if they didn’t have very many friends. Those survivors that had a strong, supportive circle of friends outlived by many years their counterparts who lived in social isolation.
The more friends women have, the less likely they are to develop physical impairments as they age, and the more likely they are to lead a contented life.
Research has shown that for women, not having friends or confidantes is as detrimental to their health as being overweight or smoking cigarettes. Women find it healing to tell their stories. We want to talk about our emotional experiences, what has happened to us, and what we will be doing in the future.
For women, friendships improve our overall sense of well-being and protect us from the hardships of life. Physical connectivity with other women alters our cortisol or stress hormone levels, curbing negative behaviors.
As females, we are inherently different from men. We think differently, act differently, solve problems differently, and are more emotionally driven than logically driven. Women thrive on strong relationships with their girlfriends.
The quality of relationships matters. Having a network of meaningful friendships with social support can make a significant difference health-wise. Having true friends helps relieve harmful levels of stress, which can adversely affect coronary arteries, gut function, and the immune system.
Additionally, not feeling a sense of belonging or connectedness, we risk feeling anxious, depressed, and alienated, experts say.
An article published on the New York Times website states that women feel they can count on their friends to pull through for them no matter what they are struggling within their lives.
From giving advice, being a shoulder to cry on, keeping secrets, lending a listening ear, and boosting self-esteem to developing strong and healthy female friendships is something all women can benefit from.
Women are intuitive by nature and identify themselves by relating to others. As mothers, daughters, sisters, or spouses, we validate each other, understand each other, we share some of the deepest darkest secrets with each other. We share beauty products, fashion advice, and most importantly, we share lasting memories.
Says Lori Jackson, “Don’t choose perfection and loneliness. Instead, choose to share the real you, your highs and lows. Glean the amazing blessing of a real connected friendship. How you decide to live your life is your choice. The kind of friend you are hopeful for.” And I could not agree more.
Women and friendships, according to science
Why do women need friendships?
According to an interesting study by Laura Klein and Shelley Taylor, “Women react to stress differently than men. This difference is due to the different proportions of hormones that are released into the bloodstream.”
Men release much smaller amounts of oxytocin than women, leaving them to feel more acutely the effects of the flight-or-fight response. As a result, men tend to respond to stress by escaping from the situation, fighting back, or bottling up their emotions.
Taylor contends that women, on the other hand, are genetically hard-wired for friendship in large part due to the oxytocin released into their bloodstream combined with the female reproductive hormones.
The former is the reason why women seek out friendships when life becomes challenging. When stressed, women tend to nurture those around them and reach out to others.
Why are female friends so important to women in general?
For me, there are plenty of reasons, but I would summarize them as follows:
- Strong emotional support
- The fun factor
- A sense of happiness
If you choose your friends wisely, they will encourage a positive attitude and help you be more optimistic.
How to build deep emotional connections with female friends
- Make them feel comfortable to open up
- Alternate depth and humor
- Be empathetic
- Listen
- Laugh together often
- Let the bond develop naturally
- Do something crazy and adventurous
- Relax
The takeaway
Being physically present with another human being offers irreplaceable benefits. Real friendship is asking the hard questions, sharing the fears and pain of our struggles, and rejoicing in our successes.
Developing friendships takes effort, but it’s worth investing your time in creating deep connections with girlfriends.
True friends are worth the work. Those women in your life will bring joy and support, and that is all we need to feel happy, validated, and understood.
This post is a tribute to all my dear friends, and you know who you are.