“Among men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex.”–Barbara Cartland

  When you were younger, you probably didn’t even want to think about older couples having sex. But now that you have entered your fifth decade of life, the thought of sex should be natural. Sex does not stop in your 30s or 40s. Sex does not, and should not, have an expiration date. Turning 50 doesn’t mean all the fun in bed has to end.

Judging from the images the popular media puts forth, you’d think sex was only for twenty-somethings. Nothing is further from the truth. Sex at midlife and beyond is a subject mired in confusion and misinformation.

In fact, there is robust data that suggests that many older couples find their sex lives get better as they’ve aged. As we age, we need to learn to adjust to the new challenges brought to the bedroom and find ways to overcome these obstacles.

Sex can be better after 50 than at any other time in your life. It can involve new adventures, brand new experiences, and the new freedom of erotic autonomy ready and ripe for exploration. The days of women over 50 fading into the furnishings are over! No longer the older depressed, empty nester, we discover a full and fabulous life after children leave home. We are working out, eating healthier than ever, climbing career ladders, and knowing what we want and going after it.

According to Pamela Madsen in Psychology today, “For many women, turning 50 triggers their sexuality alarm clock. This emerging interest in sex life often results in the best sex they have ever had.”

It is also important to note that sex after 50 is not the same as it was when you were in your 20s, 30s, or even 40s. Menopause changes our bodies in less than pleasant ways. Age brings some challenges to the bedroom (for both men and women). Still, it’s certainly no reason to halt intimacy and pleasure. It’s vital to be accurately informed so we can improve the quality of our sex lives.

In this article, I will be sharing important information about the physical and emotional changes women over 50 experience regarding sex.  I will also talk about the most common myths associated with “older people” and sex. I will include a list of the top concerns or questions women (and men) over 50 have about sexual relations. Finally, this post will cover tips or suggestions to improve your sexual life as you age.

Physical and emotional changes of women over 50

Although the 50s is the new 40s (or 30s for some of us), your body is still 50 years old. That typically means a significant drop in estrogen levels. Such a decline could lead to hot flashes and night sweats. It can also cause changes in your sexual function and have emotional repercussions.

After menopause, you may face an increasing number of barriers to sex, including dryness and constriction of the vagina (use it or lose it, the vagina can become narrower if you are not sexually active), leading to painful intercourse. Additionally, medical conditions such as diabetes and extra weight can also occur.

These are all issues to consider when you broach the topic of sexual desire and sex with your health care professional.

According to an article published by the North American Menopause Society (Decreased Desire, Sexual Side Effects of Menopause), “Desire usually (but not always) wanes with age. In general, sex drive decreases gradually with age in both men and women. Still, women are two to three times more likely to be affected by a decline in sex drive as they age. Reduced sex drive becomes much more common in women starting in their late 40s and 50s. The effect of age also differs by individual: some women experience a big decrease in sexual Desire beginning in their midlife years, others notice no change, and a few report increased interest in sex at midlife. Those women whose desire increases may feel liberated by their new freedom from contraception or by newly found privacy if their children have recently left home.”

Common myths about sex after 50 (for women and men)

• Beyond a certain age, people have little interest in sex.

In reality, most older people are satisfied with their sex life.

• Older men lose their ability to get an erection.

The fact is that aging itself is not a cause of erectile dysfunction. However, diminishing hormone levels do precipitate some changes. But sex is no less pleasurable.

• Emotional factors are responsible for a woman’s decreased desire at midlife and beyond.

The truth is that physical factors can play an even more significant role. Hormonal changes at menopause can affect a woman’s sexual response-vaginal dryness can cause discomfort during sex-.

• Masturbation diminishes your ability to enjoy sex with a partner.

In reality, masturbation helps keep vaginal tissues moist and elastic and boosts hormone levels, which fuels sex drive.

• Erectile dysfunction is the result of an emotional problem.

Actually, physical causes account for most erectile difficulties.

• Couples in midlife who don’t have sex often have lost interest in sex.

The fact is that when older couples don’t have regular sex, it’s often because one partner has an illness or disability.

The 5 top sexual concerns of women over 50

1. Insecurities about their bodies.

Many women are scared to take their clothes off and still be desired. It’s time to put a new frame around the idea of what a “good” body is. As we get older, a good body is a healthy and strong one; a body that can still feel pleasure.

• Being able to please her partner.

I believe in increasing intimacy through sexual touch and foreplay and then follow those desires where they may lead you.

• Having comfortable and pleasurable sex.

As your estrogen levels change during menopause, the vagina tissues are thinning and becoming less elastic. All of these changes can affect the way you experience sex. A simple solution would be adding lubrication to plump up the tissues and revitalize the area so that penetration isn’t painful. Bodies can bounce back -for those who haven’t been sexually active for a long time- if you use the right tools.

• Having an orgasm.

As we age, several factors (drop in estrogen, less muscle tone, and energy, among others) can contribute to making orgasm more difficult. Don’t place too much pressure on every encounter ending in an orgasm. Place the focus on enjoying the journey.

• Practicing safe sex.

Being of menopausal age doesn’t protect you from STDs. If you are worried about catching a sexually transmitted disease from a new partner, talk to him and insist on using protection.

In contrast, here are 4 ways sex changes for older men:

1. Erection changes.

By 50, erections rise more slowly and become less firm and reliable.

• Premature ejaculation (PE).

PE has two major causes, anxiety and penis-centered sex.

• Intercourse is not the primary sexual practice.
• Men’s sexual pace becomes more like women’s.

Like in women, the aging male can take longer to become aroused. This fact can be like a blessing in disguise.

Men have their own midlife crisis from the sex perspective. It’s interesting to note that older men feel closer to their sexual partners and become more open to expressing their sexuality in different ways.

Tips to improve your sex life after 50

As I have already mentioned in this article, aging implies several physical and emotional changes regarding sex. It’s about acceptance and willingness that we can overcome challenges and bring back pleasure.

The following are the top suggestions to improve your sex life after 50:

• Get regular exercise. It strengthens your muscles, improves your mood, and it helps you look better.
• Lubricate and moisturize. Vaginal dryness due to a drop in estrogen may make intercourse painful. Use a lubricant regularly if you are experiencing dryness.
• Get creative. Keep it interesting; try something new. The answer could be something as simple as changing the time of day you have sex.
• Communicate with your partner. Focus on communication and intimacy. Be honest with your partner and with yourself. A lack of desire is often related to a relationship issue.
• Go slowly and relax. It’s essential to allow enough time for arousal and foreplay.
• Get comfortable. Try different positions that are easier on your body—plan sex for a time of day when you feel the best.
• Review your medications. Sometimes adjusting your dosages or changing the medications you are taking will help. If you have concerns about issues of sexuality, have an honest conversation with your doctor.

Conclusion

It is a fact that sex is not going to stay the same as you age. But the changes that take place are not all negative. Being mindful of the natural changes your body goes through is an integral part of learning how to promote your sexual health and your partner’s health.

Staying sexually active in older adulthood is not only good for your physical health and psychological health (it boosts mood and lowers stress), it’s also good for the brain (improves memory). Additionally, sex also increases emotional connection, and people with emotional connections live longer.

Ladies, you deserve a vibrant, exciting sex life (if you want it, of course) no matter what your age.